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PRESUPPOSITION OF NLP: THERE ARE NO RESISTANT OR
DIFFICULT PEOPLE, JUST INFLEXIBLE COMMUNICATIORS
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The
antidote to resistance, from the person you are
communicating with, is RAPPORT.
Though
you may find that you develop a natural rapport
with some people and not others, that does not
mean you cannot build rapport with everyone you
meet or work with.
It is easy to feel that those
people you do not have a rapport with are simply
“difficult,” but avoiding that kind of
assumption allows you to develop rapport with
anyone by using simple NLP methods:
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Mirror the other person. Two
people experiencing natural rapport tend to
mirror each other’s body language and use of
words or tone of voice. It is possible to
artificially simulate rapport by consciously
mirroring the other person. By observing his or
her body language, choice of words, subjects of
interest, as well as values and ideals, you can
adapt the way in which you communicate to suit
the individual you are dealing with. Mirroring
should be subtle and gentle since exaggerated
mimicking can actually break rapport! |
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Identify what the other person’s values are
in order for you to communicate in alignment
with those values. Inspire people by recognizing
what inspires them. |
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Listen to the language that people use
and identify whether it describes what they see,
what they hear, or what they feel and adapt your
language and method of communication to match
their preference. |
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Disregard any
assumptions
that you might have about the other
person and make a conscious effort to
listen and appreciate that individual’s
point of view without being judgmental.
Avoiding making judgments or having
preconceived notions of someone’s
motives will allow you to remain focused
on what the person is actually saying,
rather than making inferences and
focusing on those things that reaffirm
your negative viewpoint.
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Appreciate the
pace at which people like to communicate
and the volume of information that they
can process at any one time. Try to
communicate at their speed and level of
detail.
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Good
luck and have fun discovering how great you are.
Justin
Tipper, Certified Trainer of NLP
THE MEANING OF COMMUNICATION IS THE
RESPONSE YOU GET
I know
that you believe you understand what you think I
said, but I’m not sure you realise that what you
heard is not what I meant.
What is
communication?
Well most people will agree that it is
about transferring information, an idea or a
concept from one person, or group of people, to
another and that this can be done via a variety
of media.
What
many people do
not
fully comprehend is that when you are
transmitting information it is
your
responsibility to make sure it is ‘received and
understood’.
For example if you shouted out to a
non-English speaking person, someone with an
iPod in their ears or perhaps a deaf person who
was about to be hit by a falling piano “Hey –
get out of the way!
You are about to be hit by a falling
piano!” they did not respond and were
subsequently squashed – might you not feel you
could have tried other ways of getting the
message across?
Effective and efficient communicators understand
that until the recipient of the information has
clearly understood it their responsibility is
not over.
They understand that what they
communicate and what the other person might have
understood them to say are often two quite
different things and that they must pay
attention to the response they are getting and
use different methods of communication (to use
the falling piano story – perhaps by jumping up
and down and pointing in the air or rushing over
and pushing the hapless potential victim out of
danger) until they get the desired result.
This is one of the reasons that battle
commands are always repeated back to the sender
“Fire Number One Gun!” always elicits the
response “Fire Number One Gun Sir!”
There
are many different ways we can misunderstand
each other when communicating.
Language
differences may be one but even differences in
understanding in a common language is possible.
‘Gay’ does not now mean what it used to.
Something that my kids used to tell me
was ‘bad or wicked’ was actually quite the
opposite.
Different words mean different things to
different people according to their personal
frames of reference.
Another
misunderstanding can come from not realising
that people also communicate by using their
facial expressions or tone of voice.
Sarcasm anyone?
You will have heard the phrase ‘actions
speak louder than words’.
People who are familiar with NLP
understand that a person’s tone of voice,
behaviour even their skin tone (flushed or pale)
can indicate their true meaning.
So next
time you see someone standing underneath a
falling piano – make sure they have understood
your shouted warning by checking their response
not only in their words but also in their
actions.
If they haven’t then change your method
of communication – and darn quick!
Angie lawrence -
Certified
Master Practitioner of NLP
Next
time: Possible in the world – possible for me
(and YOU!)
There is no failure only feedback
 No that’s not me on a bad day (or even a good
day) it’s actually a picture of Thomas Alva
Edison
– inventor of the light bulb. Looks
pretty fed up, doesn’t he? Perhaps that’s
because it took him very many tries before he
got it right and invented a light bulb that
actually worked. I’m mentioning him because he
is an excellent example of the truth of this
presupposition. While working away at his light
bulb invention he was interviewed by a
journalist who asked him how many times he had
tried. “700 times!” said Edison smartly. “700
times? But Mr Edison how does it feel to have
failed so many times?” said the journalist. “No
my friend” replied Edison, “I have not failed
700 times. I have not failed once. I have
succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will
not work. When I have eliminated the ways that
will not work, I will find the way that will
work”.
Now whether you believe this tale or not it
is a perfect illustration of how something can
be learned from every single experience – good
and bad and how we can use feedback from an
apparent failure to get ourselves from the
unresourceful “I am so useless!” to the
resourceful “OK so that didn’t work. I wonder if
this might?” Right from the very first time a
caveman discovered that poking a sleeping
sabre-tooth tiger with a stick could have
disastrous consequences, we have realised that
we can learn something from everything we do –
whether we succeed in our original aim or not.
(There are some exceptions – jumping out of a
plane without a parachute might be one.)
So next time you think you have messed it up,
got it all wrong, it’s yet another S.N.A.F.U
(Situation Normal – All Fouled Up) and you will
never, ever, ever succeed remember…
There is no failure – only
feedback
And try, try, try again!
Next time I’ll be tackling “The Meaning of
Communication is the Response you get”
What’s that about! See
you soon!
Angie lawrence -
Certified
Master Practitioner of NLP
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